Monday, January 18, 2010
But was I pushing my release button?
I sure as hell was breathing out, BIG big breath out, solar breath, the masculine breath, the expansive breath, the breath of change!
My feeling is that at this moment, as we have passed through the Solar Eclipse and the New Moon on Friday Jan 15th we have walked between worlds into the new decade 10, entering the world stage and our Authentic selves, a time to stand up, be noticed, speak our truth, unleash our vast potential -Amen!
BUT I cant help wonder how I know what I know, yet feel so unengaged, kinda flat lined, numb.....
Here's the thing - something to 'release' as we walk between the 'old' and the' new' is that of the egoic mind, wanting to control and intellectualise all that we feel (or in my case don't feel) all that we think, all we do, all that is and what has...been.... hummmm is that over analysing? remember what I'm doing here is filtering the collective thoughts through my human 'mind', my experience, you know the one I'm telling you and myself to release!
how often do we come back to acceptance? and is it coming back? it just is.... so therefore I release perfectionism and self judgement...... in this moment 'what is' is what is and 'what was' was, what was!
I believe there is a collective decision in our crystalline frameworks beyond us and within us to move away from this need to always understand, to release the 'mind' to move on from spending time coming back to acceptance, coming back? spending time? - it just is! in order to get onto that world stage, shout out and be heard, I AM, what we are saying is you are perfect outside and inside of polarity and divine and so so light.
what I am not - is ALL my human experience, that is part of me but not all of me -I release fear - I release need (*exhale* that felt good) I release the need to be switched on all the time, I AM perfect, you are prefect.
.......... I'm starting to get feeling back......not trying to keep time....... ;)
I want to get deeply personal, and I will now I'm feeling some 'feelings' back ;)
The energies of the Solar eclipse has bought up (in my matrix) some really interesting patterns, imprints, memories, stories, whatever you want to call it, around, men, male energy, and my own masculine energy, my emperor energy as I like to 'label' it.
How this plays out is something again my mind, egoic as it is tries to Analyse and as I stand here as a spectator to my own play, I guess all I can do is watch! because what has...(been) is just what 'is'..... I am the 'Observer'
I believe (this is a belief, which can change and is changing because - it just is!) that I'm a big fish in a small pond, I play small, I'm being honest here, I do what I do and sometimes I find it satisfying, but a lot of the time ( here we go, with that word 'time') I'm not, hence maybe the flat-line, numbness... now how does this relate to my emperor? my emperor pushing to be out there on that world stage.... I mentioned before I am not all my human experience, but in the 'shared reality' matrix that has in some way mapped my emotional states, what have I looked for in men?...... safety, respect, commitment, love, trust, dedication, a knowing, whats the opposite of abandonment? (oh that's a biggie!) a deep desire to worship the goddess! I know its commitment, but I really like the sound of that!
So in saying all that, what has the imprint of my male experiences learned me about my soul masculine self? what have I searched for outside of myself? inside of myself?
that I AM whole, I AM safe, I respect my place in this experience, I AM committed to my path, I love my 'self', I AM dedicated to my purpose, I will never abandon my truth, I stand in my power, I trust my chosen journey, and.... I AM a goddess! I AM ME!
Do I know this all of the time? hell no! but - when I take a deep breath, exhale that solar expansive breath, be present, make space inside, does it feel right? hell yes! and the difference is; not buying into letting my mind's demand to know why! its not coming back to acceptance - it just is acceptance..... as we revisit all of who we are... male, female.... light and dark and beyond into the divine spark, that being of complete love...... let spirit discern the pathways of your mind self, surrender to movement, allow change, create and most of all FLOW.....
So I'll see you in the green room soul family, lets do this together, as one, the stage is prepped, your lines are learned, and the curtains await to be drawn.......
Om Tat Sat ओम् तत् सत्, ‘All that is the Truth’